Healing Looks Different When You’ve Been Through Hell

There’s an image I created that came straight out of my mind —

a woman on her knees, swords in her back, surrounded by substances and the nightlife…

collapsed at the base of a cross while the world behind her keeps laughing, drinking, and moving without noticing a thing. This picture isn’t “art.” It’s honesty.

It’s not glamorous.

It’s not aesthetic.

It’s not the pretty version of healing people post about.

It’s the part of the journey nobody wants to talk about.

The part where you’re physically surrounded by people, nightlife, noise, or distractions…

but spiritually and energetically you’re on the floor.

The part that almost killed us.

For me, healing didn’t start with self-care routines or positive affirmations.

It started with being broken down to nothing, stripped of every distraction I used to avoid what I didn’t want to face.

Because before you rise — you fall.

Before you find yourself — you lose yourself.

Before God rebuilds you — He lets everything that was draining your soul crumble.

The Part of Healing Nobody Talks About

People romanticize healing like it’s peaceful, calm, and curated.

But the real beginning is messy.

Raw.

Humbling.

Healing starts in the moments when you’re:

• on your knees emotionally

• carrying trauma that weighs more than you want to admit

• surrounded by the same things you used to numb the pain

• exhausted from pretending you’re okay

• drowning in stress, worry, and inner battles

• coping with nightlife, noise, or anything that keeps the silence away

• fighting heartbreak you never wanted to acknowledge

And I don’t mean heartbreak just from love — I mean heartbreak that comes from life itself:

The heartbreak of being disappointed, let down, overwhelmed.

The heartbreak of losing parts of yourself.

The heartbreak of trying to be strong for everyone while you fall apart in silence.

The heartbreak of realizing your coping mechanisms became your comfort zone.

This is the part nobody posts .......

the part where you’re physically in a room full of people, smiling, drinking, partying…

but spiritually and energetically you’re on the floor.

Trying to keep up.

Trying to look alive.

Trying to distract yourself from the weight you walked in with.

Heartbreak doesn’t always look like someone leaving you.

Sometimes your heart breaks from everything you’ve held together for too long.

And yes — that kind of heartbreak will make you cope poorly.

You’ll reach for anything that gives temporary relief, even if it hurts you later.

You’ll numb instead of feel.

You’ll run instead of rest.

You’ll avoid instead of acknowledge.

Because sometimes the chaos feels safer than the quiet.

Let’s Be Blunt for a Second

You don’t wake up healed.

You don’t meditate your way out of trauma.

You don’t find peace in the arms of a new relationship when you’re still bleeding emotionally.

You don’t become whole just because you post motivational content.

Healing STARTS when you get tired of your own bullshit.

When you’re done running.

Done numbing.

Done pretending.

Done trying to fill the void with people, substances, validation, or distractions.

Done trying to use nightlife or noise to drown out what your spirit has been trying to tell you.

For some of us, healing began on the bathroom floor.

Or in the car after another breakdown.

Or after losing something we thought we couldn’t live without.

Or waking up ashamed of how we coped the night before.

Or after choosing a man who mirrored our wounds more than our worth.

Or after realizing the heartbreak we felt wasn’t just about someone —

but about life not turning out the way we hoped,

about the pressure, the disappointments, the emotional exhaustion that pushed us into survival mode.

Healing is the moment reality hits you so hard you finally say:

“God… I can’t do this anymore.”

This Is Where God Steps In

The spiritual part isn’t glamorous either ........

it’s powerful, yes — but real spirituality begins in the mess.

God does His best work when your life is falling apart.

Not when you’ve cleaned yourself up.

Not when you’ve healed.

Not when you’ve figured things out.

Not when you’re spiritually “strong.”

God meets you in the place you hide:

Not where people see you.

Not where you’re pretending.

Not where you're performing strength.

God meets you in the place you hide.

In the addictions.

In the toxic cycles.

In the self-destruction.

In the loneliness.

In the choices you made out of pain.

In the nights you surrendered to things just to feel something.

In the heartbreak you buried under distractions.

In the exhaustion behind your smile.

God doesn’t wait until you’re cleaned up.

He walks straight into the mess and pulls you out.

Some of the lowest moments of my life were the same moments God started rebuilding me.

He didn’t judge me.

He didn’t shame me.

He didn’t walk away like people did.

He stayed.

He held me accountable, yes —but He also held me together when I had nothing left.

• in the coping

• the chaos

• the addiction

• the anxiety

• the memories

• the numbness

• the heartbreak

• the moments you don’t even recognize yourself

He walks straight into the parts of your life you’re ashamed of.

God moves the most when you are:

• empty

• humbled

• honest

• overwhelmed

• exhausted

• done pretending

• trying to pick up pieces without knowing where to begin

Because when the noise of the nightlife, distractions, and coping fades…

you finally reach the place where He can talk to you clearly.

Some things in your life don’t fall apart to punish you —

they fall apart to reveal what needs to be healed.

Some seasons break you open so truth can finally come out.

Some losses humble you enough to shift your path.

Some heartbreak resets your spirit.

Some collapses are actually awakenings.

The Girl in the Picture Is Not Weak — She’s Transforming

The woman kneeling at the base of the cross isn’t failing.

She’s surrendering.

She’s done pretending she’s okay.

She’s done numbing the pain.

She’s done carrying what no longer belongs to her.

She’s done coping in ways that break her more.

She’s collapsing into truth —

and that version of you is the hardest to face, but the most powerful to rise from.

If you see yourself in her ...... if heartbreak, stress, trauma, coping, or exhaustion has pushed you to your knees, let me tell you..... You're NOT weak!

You’re awakening.

You’re shedding.

You’re being rebuilt.

This is not your ending.

This is your turning point.

This is the moment where God starts rewriting your story from the ground up.

And when you rise from this place — you won’t rise as who you were.

You’ll rise as who you were always meant to become.

Closing Prayer

God, meet me in the places no one sees.

Meet me in the parts of me I’ve hidden, the wounds I’ve carried in silence,and the battles I’ve fought alone.

I surrender the versions of myself I created just to survive.

I release the coping, the chaos, the heartbreak, the exhaustion and everything that has drained my spirit.

Lift me from the floor and rebuild me with Your strength.

Give me clarity where I’ve been confused, peace where I’ve been overwhelmed and healing where I’ve been hurting.

Teach me to let go of what breaks me and hold on to what grows me.

Guide my steps, steady my heart and remind me that even in the collapse — I am never alone.

You are here.

You are working.

You are rebuilding me.

Amen.

Affirmation for Rising

I am not defined by who I used to be.

I am not defined by my coping, my mistakes, or the moments I broke.

I am healing.

I am growing.

I am being rebuilt.

I release the old version of myself with love.

I welcome the new version of me with strength.

I choose peace over chaos.

I choose truth over numbing.

I choose growth over fear.

I choose myself.

Every day, I rise a little more.

Every day, God restores what I thought I lost.

Every day, I become the woman I was always meant to be.