Narcassists Tactics Unmasked: How To Recognize & Resist Their Manipulation

There was a time when I didn't recognize the emotional warfare I was living through. The silence, the sudden coldness, the way I was made to feel like I was the problem no matter what I did. I was stuck in a cycle: begging for answers, walking on eggshells, trying to earn love that kept slipping away. It wasn't until I stepped back that I realized these weren't just bad moments in a relationship ....they were manipulation tactics.

This blog isn't just research - its real life. Its for anyone who felt discarded like trash after being treated like treasure. For those who've begged for a text back, questioned their worth after the silent treatment, or tried to "fix" things with someone who took responsibility for anything. I see you, because I WAS you.

In this post, I'm breaking down the exact tactics narcissists use to control and confuse you - and most importantly, how to fight back by reclaiming your peace, power and sense of self.

The Most Common Narcissistic Tactics

1. Love Bombing

   In the beginning, it feels like a dream. They call you their soulmate/ twin flame, shower you with attention, say everything you've always wanted to hear. But its not love - its control and a fill for their ego. They're hooking you emotionally so that when the devaluation starts, your already trauma-bonded.

   
   

2. Gas Lighting

   This tactic is all about distortion. They lie, deny, twist your words and make you question your own memory and sanity. Soddenly, your apology for things you didn't do - just to keep the peace.

   
   

3. Silent Treatment (My Favorite!)

   This is emotional punishment disguised as "space." Its not healthy way to resolve conflict - its abandonment and manipulation meant to make you feel small, desperate, and willing to do anything to be back in their good graces. And if you have childhood neglect and abandonment issues this one will hit hard which is why it's important for you to deal with your inner child and heal because it will bring back that unresolved trauma and healing and add to it.

   
   

4. Discarding (Another One of My Favorites)

   After they've used up your energy or when you start demanding respect and place boundaries, they emotionally detach - fast! They may disappear, find someone new or familiar, or act like you never mattered. Its brutal, but it's about power, not love.

   
   

5. Triangulation (A New Term I Learned Recently)

   They bring up exes, compare you to others or even flirt in front of you to provoke insecurity. In my case, they pulled in a third party into the relationship dynamic, repeatedly going back to an ex, comparing you negatively (they were easier to deal with) and juggling both of us is a classic form of triangulation. It keeps you feeling insecure and makes you question your worth, while inflating the narcissists sense of power, importance and ego. Its meant to make you feel "replaceable" and constantly work harder for their approval.

   
   

6. Hoovering

   I was like "What the heck is that?!" Such a funny word. Well my ex did this too many times I lost count. After discarding you, they often return - acting sorry, promising change, a sudden epiphany or awakening has come to them, future faking. They "hoover" you back in like a vacuum, only to repeat the same cycle.

   
   

7. Blame-Shifting

   So annoying!! It gets old after a while. They never take responsibility. Every issue becomes your fault. If your hurt, your "too sensitive" or "you hurt yourself". If you catch them lying, "your crazy" or "paranoid" or if you hadn't done this or that, they wouldn't have done what they did. Instead of taking responsibility, they flip the blame back on you. They make you feel like your feelings or needs caused their bad behavior, shoot even your reactions to their behavior! It is the most common tactic used to avoid accountability and make you feel at fault even when they are clearly wrong.

   
   

8. Intermittent Reinforcement

   What is that? Yeah when I heard it on a video, I was like that sounds very military. But here is the deal - your given tiny bits of affection or kindness randomly, keeping you hooked like a gambler chasing a win. Its confusing and creates an addiction and re-wires your brain because the high after the low is intense. When its good, its really good. But when its bad, its really bad and you can't wait for the high again.

How To Fight Back & Reclaim Your Power

1. For Love Bombing #1 TACTIC:

   Its important to stay grounded. Take your time in relationships. Don't rush! Pay attention to ACTIONS, not words. I learned that the hard way and something I massively regret is not watching for red flags. I mean I knew they were there but I ignored them and if I had taken listened and put those first, the words would have never driven me to where I am now and the trauma bond would have never occurred. Pace relationships based on behavior over time, not words or intensity of feelings. Ask: What's the rush? If it feels too good to be true too quickly, it probably is.

   

   
   
   
   

2. For Gaslighting:

   One thing I did do, was document everything. Keep texts, journals your experiences, and speak to people you can trust and seek validation from trusted sources (like your therapist lol). Trust your gut even if they try to make you doubt it. The truth doesn't require twisting.

   
   

3. For Silent Treatment aka Stone Walling

   Don't beg for connection. Their silence is a control tactic - not your cue to chase. They love the chase. Detach with love, set a boundary, and use the silence to reconnect with yourself. Enjoy that moment of peace or for good. Mirror their silence with peace. Use time to ground yourself, journal and affirm your worth. Because that is not love, that is not respect. That is someone using silence as control. They did you a favor. You didn't lose someone who loved you. You let go of someone who never really truly knew how to love you right.

   
   

4. For Discarding:

   Know its about their emptiness, not your worth. They discard when they can't control. Grieve the illusion, and remind yourself: the love you felt was real for you, but their behavior wasn't love at all. Go no contact if possible and block access to re-entry.

   
   

5. For Triangulation:

   Refuse to compete! Opt out of the competition! Let them have them! Let them run to the lesser. Let them run to someone at their energetic vibration. When they try to provoke jealousy or insecurity, choose indifference. Anyone who tries to make you feel "less than" does not deserve access to your energy. But you know what's way more powerful?! Strengthening your self-worth outside the relationship. Reconnect with friends, pursue things that make you feel confident and fulfilled, remind yourself daily: "Their behavior says everything about them, not about me!" You don't need to try to win them back or prove your worth. Ask yourself: "Do I even want to be with someone who plays games and makes me feel invaluable?" Why if you can't find someone out there that will choose you everyday, even the bad days. Byyyyeeee Felicia!

   
   

6. For Hoovering:

   Stand firm with boundaries! No response is a response. Save screenshots of past patterns and remind yourself how it ends every time. I did that and it helped immensely in my deciding on going straight back in. It also helped when I would start to feel sad when we were broken up while I was romanticizing and reflecting on the good times rather than the above tactics he put me through. You don't need closure from someone who broke you. There behavior and how they did you, is your closure. Have a mantra like "Their words mean nothing without change, consistent change."

   
   

7. For Blame Shifting:

   Refuse to take on what isn't yours! Start separating their story from your truth and reality. You are not responsible for someone else's refusal to grow.

   
   

8. For Intermittent Reinforcement:

   Stop and I mean STOPPPP taking those breadcrumbs as proof of love! You deserve "CONSISTENCY" - not CONFUSION. Let go of the fantasy and start feeding your own soul with what it's truly hungry for: peace, love, respect, loyalty and safety.

   
   

9. For ALL Tactics:

   Build emotional distance, work on regulating your nervous system, and invest in your self worth! You will be unbreakable!

Final Thoughts

"Your not crazy. You were manipulated. And now your healing. Every time you choose not to engage, your breaking the cycle. You deserve peace - not punishment disguised as love"

Your not crazy. Your not broken. You were targeted by someone who knew exactly how to twist love into control. But you are waking up- and that's everything.

Breaking free from a narcissist doesn't happen all at once. Its a slow reclaiming of truth, your boundaries, your voice. The moment you start naming these tactics, you take your power back. And every time you choose not to respond, not to chase, not to doubt yourself - you break the cycle a little more.

You are worth of real love - the kind that doesn't punish you for having needs, speaking your truth and simply existing.